I can't deny this feeling anymore
by Mirai Trunks's girl
Summary: The wind blows at night, the stars glow eeriely without the moons quideance, my soul wanders without your touch, save me from the abyss known as loneliness... (Ch.3 now up)
1. The begining of the end

**Disclaimer**- Well in a nutshell, I am writing this because I want to, and this is my first Yaoi, I am trying hard, this was inspired by hearing a song, that reminded me of love, so I wrote a story and here is Chappy 1! HAVE FUN! I don't own Dragonball Z it is owned by Bird Studio, not "Mandy's Studio of nutcases!"

**I can't deny this feeling anymore!**

A young man with short, mushroom capped lavender/silver hair, walked the halls of the biggest building for miles, Capsule Corp. His attire consisted of a blue baseball T-shirt with the name "Capsule Corp" written on the chest, his pants where the color of ashes. His boots where Blue at the toes and the rest where green. The youth repeated to himself "Where is my live going now…I don't know what I should do.. Almighty lord help me…"

**Trunks' thoughts**about 3 months before above thought-

I laid my confused and distorted body on the floor, against the hall by my bedroom. I had been thinking to myself about the events that had happened earlier in the year. The events I wish I could forget, but they haunt my every motion, the faint beat of my barely living heart torments me to just die. My mother constantly asks me about my feelings but I never answer truthfully, I see no point. The ones that care for me, I don't care for, they only love me for my personality they _think_ I have. The me they see is nothing but a mask I put on everyday. I started this mask when I was about 15 I learned about how a man changes. So I changed myself to hold back those changes.

All these horrible things started when I invited my best-friend Goten for a sleepover, we hadn't had one in a long time. It was all going wonderful we prank called a few places and people, we played truth or dare (Goten had to call a girl and tell her he liked her even though he didn't). My younger sister, Bulla wanted to have Marron and Pan over for a slumber party. Of course Mother and Father both agreed. Much to my dislike. We where playing a heated game of truth or dare and Goten dared me to kiss him, I laughed and asked if he was serious and he nodded, blushing. I raised an eyebrow and I got a sick look on my face and Goten said "Ah uh Trunks, I dare you, you have to do it, or else I get to take your Girlfriend!" I just looked at him and sighed. "Fine.." I mumbled, and I kissed Goten's lips softly and fast. And Goten just blushed. I called him a queer and he just laughed and said your no better, I kinda agreed. After all, I kissed a man.

**-Bulla's thoughts-**

Ten-chan and Trunks-chan are having a sleep over, Marron, Pan, and me wanted to go crash it, but my mom said to leave them alone. I always listen to my mom, Dad does not mind so much. But I love both my parents and Tru-kun too.

**-Bulma's thoughts- (after sleep over)**

I have been keeping a close eye on Trunks, he seems to be cold and distant when we talk. The other night at dinner he didn't say a word. He also asked to be excused early. He never leaves the table early. I talked to Vegeta about it, he said he was concerned, but he said Trunks could just be growing up. I agreed, but I still keep a close eye on him.

**-Trunks' again-**

I leaned against the wall and wiped sweat from my face and I collapsed onto the floor and started crying my eyes out. "How! How could I have gotten her pregnant? We only made-out that's all!" Suddenly a warm fiery warmth hit my shoulder and my head shot back. Goten was standing there, looking at my face, which was cherry red. "Trunks.. what's wrong.. What where you talking about getting someone pregnant?" I couldn't answer him, I didn't know how. I cried and slammed into Goten's chest and he held me in the safety of his arms. "Trunks.. you can tell me…I'll listen.. please tell me…"Goten, I got a girl pregnant…my girlfriend.. you know who she is". Goten nodded and he held me tighter. "You got her pregnant huh? I thought you had your "Sex Kit" with Condoms in it didn't you?". "I did, I must have been Drunk or high maybe both and I didn't use it." Goten held me back and looked at me. "Drunk.. High! What's wrong with you?" I looked away not knowing what to answer. "Trunks this is why you have been looking so pale and cold, your doing drugs, Trunks how could you!". "Goten! I wanted to be a better person for you and my girlfriend." "Drugs aren't the answer, Drugs kill." Goten looked at me and he started crying and held me close. My eyes where as wide as a kid on Christmas morning. "Trunks I love you for who you are, not you when your high, I love you just the way you are." "Goten…" I kissed him with my slightly cold blue lips. His bright red lips gave me warmth no one else had. Had I finally found true love?

_Well here is chapter 1, what you think? Chapter should be better, if not I will update and change, I noticed after I typed it out, I didn't put any profanity in this, woah..uh whatever, Next one might be a bit more violent. Maybe 'til then folks SEE YA!_


	2. The nightmare of all time

_Chapter 2 is here! After a few days, what can I say? I am busy sometimes! Well here it is!_

Vegeta's Story (he is thinking all 'o this) 

The boy has been acting a bit strange, kinda the way I acted when I got Bulma Pregnant for the first time. Its nothing I was too concerned about, it's just, he never acts cold. That's usually my job. Anyway lets back on the subject! (Cruel even in fanfictions, GOD VEGETA!) I asked his mother what was wrong and she said she did not know either, so I am going to talk to him, man to man!

**Goten's story **

I had a dream the night I kissed Trunks. In this dream, a dark black shadow was engulfing my entire body. It was warm, like a body, but it was also cold like snow. When I got away from the shadow, I was covered in dark thick red blood. I look at my hands with horror, I screamed, nothing came out. Blood started to come out of my nose and I wiped and wiped but it kept coming! Then the blood oozed slowly from my mouth and eye sockets, soon I was in a pool of Dark red sticky oozing blood. Then without warning, the "blood" started to pull me in. I was screaming, but no matter how loud I screamed, no sound came. Blood shot from my mouth as I screamed and I was pulled under. All I could see was red blood red, the color of death. I saw something that would haunt me for the rest of my natural life. I saw the Devil's minions, they where black gargoyles, with red eyes and blood color wings. They started to surround me and I again screamed again nothing. One started to bite my wrist and blood exploded from it, as if it was a blood bomb. Another bit my neck and my eyes went pale and I feel into yet another blood puddle. What was this place! I wondered and then a white flash of light appears and a god-like figure came and feathers of silver, white and gold shone in the ink-black void. The feathers touched the Gargoyles and the disintegrated and the giant Satan-like personification slid into the darkness, never to be seen. The light picked up my bleeding body. My eyes slowly opened and the figure looked at me with golden eyes of love and peace. He but smiled then he dropped me to a place and I heard voices echoing. "Goten…." The voice was low, but I was calling my name. "Goten?" This time it was louder. I knew whom this voice belonged to it was Trunks. "Goten!" he cried again this time I opened my sleepy eyes, and there he was, looking at me, with his big baby blue eyes. "Trunks?" "Goten you where screaming like a banshee!" "Was I? Gee, I'm sorry Tru-chan." I remember one thing about the shadow, it longed for human contact.

**Trunks's story **

I woke Goten up in a cold sweat, he was sweating all over. When his eyelids opened his pupils were about as big as volleyballs. I looked at him as he breathed hard and deep. He was obviously scared, real scared. "Goten I'm here ok, not need to fear, please don't be afraid." I looked at Trunks with tears of relentless fear in my eyes. "Goten, real men don't cry.." On the other hand Trunks, Men do cry all the time. Even you did once. I remember very clearly, what happened that day.

_Well this is Chapter 2, sorry it's kinda short, I had to get this done in two hours. Why? I just felt like it. 'til next time!_


	3. The white ribbon stained with my blood

Here it is chapter 3! I know you have been all waiting for it and here it is. This one is WAY longer then 1 and 2, probably put together. I have a bit of a warning on this chapter, it gets descriptive and we have profanity in the chapter (O.o) Well I hope you all enjoy the third chapter in not-so-famous story "I can't deny this feeling any more". Just to warn you, this chapter really has no plot and nothing exciting happens (maybe). I just wanted to post a shopping Trip. But this trip does bring Goten and Trunks together a bit more and I know damn well about my paragraph usage, I am not to good in the English department, I just write the way I write, plain and simple.

I have Japanese abbreviations in here, Oji Uncle, Chan Cute or young, Nii Big Brother Kun Love, San Standard for a respectable person who is trying to be polite. (Ex, Hello Mr. President-san!)

It has been two months since Goten & Trunks' sleepover and now they are taking a "guy" shopping trip they have planned for months. How will this turn out? Only god almighty knows that ladies and gents.

**-Trunks' story-**

I stood in my own private bathroom for about an hour trying to figure out what to wear. I knew this was not a major thing but I wanted to look nice at least. Goten and I are going to the really large mall in Central City. We have been planning this trip for about 3 months, and we are just now getting enough money to spend. I decided on spiking the ends of my hair just for kicks. I have not spiked my hair since middle school. I squeeze nearly half the bottle into my hands and rub it into my thick scalp of lavender hair. As I comb and trim my hair to the way I want it, my phone suddenly rings. Its one of the secretaries downstairs, she informed me that someone was here for me. I told her I would be down in ten minutes and to tell that person to wait that long. She replied with a "yes sir!" and the phone clicked and I hung up. I quickly put on a Black T-shirt and Blue Capsule corp. Sweatshirt. My pants where Ocean Camo and had MANY pockets. I stuffed my black CC wallet in my left butt pocket, I then placed my big size 12 blue tennis shoes over my white socks. I ran out my door, making sure to lock it and ran to the elevator. I waited for the door to close and I hit the first floor button and recombed my already messy hair. When the door finally opened I walked out casual with my hands in my side pockets and I walked around the corner to find not Son Goten, but Son Gohan. "Gohan? Wha.. What are you doing here?" I asked with a great deal or curiosity. "I came to tell you today about Goten." Hmm.. Gohan he is always wearing a suit and dorky glasses. I wouldn't be caught dead in _that_ outfit. How in the world did this man find a wife? That I will never understand. "Well what about Goten?" I demanded. "Goten was on his way here you see, and while driving he got into an accident and his arm got smashed between two cars and broken. But it is not serious. He asked me to come tell you that the trip is off until further notice." I must've had the most dumb-founded look on the face of the planet. "Goten's, arm, busted?" Gohan slowly nodded. "Yes, but like I said its not serious." "Where is he now?" "At home laying down." I wondered if I should go see him and give him a quilt trio for screwing up, but I decided against it. Also it might look funny if I go and visit a guy while he is injured. Gohan simply nodded and gave me Goten's cell phone number and as he waved good-bye, it almost felt like he was thinking in apologies, I wonder why.

**-Goten's thoughts-**

My left arm felt like it was going to fall off. I had it in a dark blue cast and I had it in a red sling to make sure it wouldn't dangle. Gohan told me it was broken at the Bicep area. He also told me it would probably heal within a week. He said and I quote. "Because you are a half Saiyan we heal much faster then "normal" people. Never doubt the words of the wise I always say. Gohan also told me to call Trunks later on. I simply nodded and he shook my hand and left to be with his wife and daughter. It was about 9:30 when I finally decided to call Trunks's cell and tell him I was all right. I then lay in my bed and slept on my back, something I had never done before. My mom come into my room and gave me some Tylenol to help with the pain. She also informed me that I was her "bitch" this week. What she means by that is since I am not going to go anywhere I can help her out with the housework and other things. As my mother left I waved to her and I pulled the covers over my chest and slowly feel into the deep dark abyss known as sleep.

I woke up about 6:45 in the morning and I started on dusting the family room, I did this before my mother even woke up. When she finally woke up I was cleaning the dishes she had forgotten the night before. She also told me she would pay me for my services. 50 zenie to be exact.

Finally the day of truth! Trunks and I were to go to the huge mall in central city today, and I was excited. "Hey Goten, you sure your arm is better? I mean we could always do this some other time." "No Trunks, its fine. I've been needing new clothes for quite sometime so it's ok, really." Trunks only sighed and put his hand on my shoulder and shook is head back and forth. "Goten goten goten… what are we going to do with you?" "I don't know, I don't think I would even be safe in a room of nothing but bubble wrap." Trunks only laughed and slammed his hand into my shoulder. "Goten not only your driving sucks, but you would probably walk off a cliff or hit a pole if I didn't watch you." "Hey hey dude, I am not that clumsy!" I was right, partially. I was a bit of a clutz, and this was proven to me when I went to go grab some coffee. I was looking toward a hot chick and then I remember a huge "BAM!" and I feel to the ground. I woke up and shook my head, Trunks was on the ground clenching his sides laughing. My face got red and I yelled "Shut-up you little purple-haired fruit-fuck!" Everyone in the park stopped and looked at Trunks and I, who was now looking around with a "Oh crap-on-a-stick!" look on his face. Then we finally got to the mall, and we saw Krillen and his family. "Hey boys whats up?" We both shook our heads and said "nothin much you?" he only laughed and explained why he was here. He also told us about problems he was having with 18 and Marron. I realized how much this guy likes to hear himself talk when he explained that marriage counseling was not an option. After a good 20 minutes of talking we all went our separate ways and Trunks and I hit the "Hot Topic" store, to find ourselves new earrings. I picked out this thick silver earring that had a single black spike. Trunks said it looked cheesy but I told him I had matching clothes for it. He only nodded in disapprovement. Then Trunks and I wanted to go separate and shop for family; I went to "KB Toyz" to shop for my niece Pan. I think Trunks went to "DEBS" although I would never be seen in a girl-clothing store.

I got done a bit earlier then expected and I needed to use the restroom, so I dropped my items in the capable hands of a security officer who was taking people's stuff to keep them safe. I gave him my things and thanked him for his thoughtful service, he only told me that he had no choice, and I simply laughed at him. I walked into the stall and pulled up my sweatshirt sleeves. I noticed no other man was in this rest room, which was good, I am kinda self-conscious about my sexual parts. Then I suddenly felt this strange feeling. This feeling which I am sure all male humans my age felt from time to time. It was strange this "male wanting" this hormone, one that causes wonder and disbelief. Of course I had felt this feeling before and I knew what my body and mind wanted. I slowly undid my zipper and I clasped my member in its cold extremity. I touched the tip with the very tips of my fingers. I then clasped it with my cold fingers once more and I moved my hand in an up and down motion. I threw my head back and I leaned against the side of the stall, its welcoming green paint, was actually cold and discomforting. I continued to move my hand slowly up and down, I was not imagining any one in particular but I was enjoying this feeling I got from doing this. The once before small perfectly colored extension of myself was now bulging, blood-gorged, and the peach color was replaced but a light blood red. Then it was slowly weakly excreting semen. Although I was not in another, I was feeling relaxed and I heard more men coming and I wiped myself dry and rezipped my pants. I went and washed my semen-covered hands and as I was grabbing a paper towel someone familiar yells "Hey bro!" I looked behind me and my brother Gohan was standing over my shoulder. He was still wearing his glasses but he was in "Normal" clothes. (By normal I mean anything but a suit) "Hey Gohan? What are you doing here?" "Me? Oh I am here with Videl and Pan. We are doing some shopping for Pan, it is her 4th birthday." "Oh? And how is Pan anyway?" "She is great, by the way Goten, I saw Trunks hangin out at the Ambercrombie store, I wonder why?" "Oh, me and Trunks are here for some shopping, he says I need new clothes, my old ones looked like they where from the ghetto." Gohan only laughed and went to a sink right next to mine and told me about how concerned he was for me when I broke my arm a week back. "Goten, maybe I should teach you how to drive again, after all this is not the first accident you have gotten into is it?" I only shook my head. "Nope, I have had 2 others. But none of them where serious injury ones." Gohan nodded and playfully punched my shoulder and he gave me a "5" and left. I scrubbed my hands again in case I missed something and I got under my "fingernails"(meaning I bite my nails like an ordinary guy.) and I wiped my hands again. I was walking out when I noticed a bag with my name on a tag. "To: Goten From: Gohan p.s. I know you will enjoy this, how do I know? I am your older brother, I know everything!" I smiled and opened the bag, inside was a keychain that said "Its my way or the high-way!" a spiky bracelet, a bottle of hair-gel, a Magazine and last but not least, a mini music player. I slip of paper next to it read of about 67 songs that was included, and my favorite song was on there, "The Reason" by Hoobastank (if that is how you spell it ¬.¬). This song had been out for awhile but I still like it. I turned it on and put the earphones in my ears and I looked at the booklet and found my song and I turned to it.As I hummed this song on my way out I thought of love, and why I have not found it yet. People kinda looked at me funny and I only shrugged and walked on. I found Trunks sitting on a bench looking at his watch listening to his CD player. I walked behind him and poked him in the shoulder and he looked back and smiled with his sweet innocent face. I messed his hair up and showed him what my brother got me, and he wanted to listen to my portable music player and I told him to wait until I was done. I guess he could not wait, we went to a "Radio Shack" and he bought a mini music player for himself. I asked him what songs he got. He got "Mockingbird" from Eminem, and some Techno and Hip-hop I did not know about. He of course he needed to download music so he asked if I was done shopping and I said I wanted to get a book. We walked together to "Walden books" and I picked up a brand-new "Kare Kano" Manga book. Trunks asked me what was in it. I told him it was about high school couples who are completely opposite and yet they somehow find love. He only nodded and agreed as far as I could tell. As we headed for Trunks' air car for the night we saw my brother and his wife, they where on their way home also. Videl put her sleeping daughter into the car and Gohan asked me when I was going home and I told him later tomorrow. He nodded and waved as be boarded his air car. Trunks and I watched as they departed for the mountain. "Hey Goten, why did your brother give you all that stuff? I mean I know he is your brother and all, but it seems kinda strange.." Trunks' words did bring up a valiant point, why was my brother being so nice to me all of a sudden. After Trunks and I started driving home I completely forgot about the events past and slowly fell asleep while Trunks was driving. I felt the world shaking around me and I heard a familiar voice. "Goten, wake up you lazy brute, I am **_not_** carrying you." I slowly opened my dark black eyes and Trunks had his and mine bags in his arms. "Can you hurry Goten? This stuff is kinda heavy." I nodded, got out of the car and stretched so far back, my bones sounded like bubble wrap. "Jeez Goten, you should stretch more, you sound like breaking sticks!" I only laughed and assisted in carrying our things. Bulma walked out carrying Trunks' baby sister, Bulla. "Hey cutie-pie!" I grabbed her hand and she giggled and smiled, with that cute smile all 8-year-olds have. She was playing with her silky blue hair, in those adorable pink marble hair-ties little kids wear. She (Bulla) was pestering her mother asking if she could take them out, Bulma said they looked cute and that she should keep them in there. I don't think Bulla quite agreed, but she got over it. After a 5 minute crying fit. "Hi Goten-Oji! Are you here with twunks-Nii? "Of course I am with him, who else?" I patted her on her tiny head and she got down from her mother's arms and walked to the Nature Center. As I began walking to Bulma's kitchen I was not paying close attention, as I was zoning out and remembering the days past events. I slammed straight into the wall NEXT to the door. Vegeta was passing through and he let out a stuffed laughter and I looked at him and frowned. "Keep that up boy and your going to need a helmet and glasses, by the way moron, your nose is bleeding." Vegeta just left me there, still probably laughing to himself. I touched the bottom of my nose and I looked at my pointer finger and sure enough, there was a fair amount of fresh warm blood. I shook my head and ran for the bathroom. I washed my face and washed out my nose, just in case. Trunks walked in and patted my shoulder. "Don't worry Goten, my dad laughs at everyone, even my mother, rarely." I only nodded and asked Trunks to excuse me for a moment. He left the bathroom with a smile and shut the door for me.

Trunks if only you knew some of the secrets I have been keeping from you, then would you call me "Ten-kun" or "Go-chan"? I highly doubt it. In truth, I was not as great as Trunks thought I was. First off, I had just come from drug abuse rehabilitation, which I kept to myself. My mother had found out about my abuse and she promised she would not tell a soul, she knew why I was doing drugs, and it was because the Media and my High School student body overwhelmed me. I never told anyone other then my mother my problems. Which sometimes could be a downfall. Many times my mother would not have an answer or she would tell me I don't know how to answer you Goten. Which was when I would start to PMS (Yes, for some odd reason, I PMS…Strange? Very much so) at my mother like a teenage girl. But I truly love my mother and I would never do anything to hurt her, even though when I was doing Drugs and I was high I would sometimes say things to her I did not mean. I remember when time I was upset at her because she would not give me money for drugs and I called her a "Lying, Cheating, Constant cock-biting Bitch" and I remember that dumbfounded look on her face. Afterwards I felt so sorry for my mother I told her everything that was going on in my life and she thoroughly explained that it was all right and that she could get me some help. I begged and pleaded her not to tell anyone, namely Trunks and my dad about this. She only nodded and agreed. So to this day my mother has kept her word and no one but her and I know of the problems I once had. I am fully healed and my blood warmth has returned, my skins light peach color had returned and my eyes had gone back to deep black.

My mother always told me that when I was younger and when she missed my father, all she had to do was look into my deep black eyes and she would no longer miss her husband. As you probably remember, my dad was gone for 7 years of my life and I did not know quite whom he was, or what he was like. Once I though Vegeta was my father, he stared at me and told me I was an idiot, just like my father. That filled my curiosity. But back to my mother and mines "mother-son relationship. When she stared into my eyes, she knew he would always be with her, in both mind and spirit. When my father did return after no one saw him for 7 years I was a bit overjoyed to finally get to meet the man who helped my mother conceive her children. Gohan always told me stories about how he (my father) made everyone feel safe, and that he always gave a sense of security. What Gohan told me later that night, I'll always remember and hold dear. "He's like an Angel Goten, he makes everything seem ok. He never lets you get down or depressed, even in the face of danger, he is always smiling, and protecting." Even in Trunks father, Vegeta. Although Dad was a bit of a nut, we were two peas in a pod. My Dad and I were always together and we ate the same way, Gohan did too. When my father did come home, we went off and fought Majin Buu and I died (O.O). I didn't hold it against him; he tried to save us. Like most adults say, "it's the thought that counts!" Soon after (10 years after) We went to the world martial arts tournament and I competed, and lost to my niece, pan. I didn't really care, I had to cancel a date in order to go. She was really mad, Valise, but she got over it. (After a good necking or two ¬.¬)

As I walked into my Bedroom to turn in for the night I noticed my fairly large circular window wide open and my homework for school all over the place. I shut the window and picked up the papers, and I happened not noticed a cleverly folded piece of paper with the word "Goten" written on the top, in fancy handwriting I might add. I slowly opened the paper, and the smell of rose petals and cherry blossoms soared out of it like a bird out of a cage. I nearly fell down on the carpet it was so entrancing. The note read as follows:

"Dear Goten-chan,

My name is Mikayo Kurahime (Me-Kai-oh Ker-a-He-meh), It took a lot of support from my friend to write you this note, but here goes, Goten-chan, I was wondering if you could possibly take me to the upcoming High School Spring Dance they are holding this Saturday. It would be really great if you could, well I will sneak more notes in your binder time and time again. Give the notes you want to give me to a girl named Mine Miashuno (Mee-na My-a-shoe-no) and she will deliver them to me. I hope to hear from you soon Goten-chan,

With Love,

Mi-Chan"

When I finished reading the note I nearly gagged. I knew who the girl was, and she was by no means ugly, she just had more of the guys' habits then girls. For example, one day I was sitting at her lunch table because all the other tables were full (Trunks had a different lunch hour then me) she drunk 3 cartons of milk. All of the tablemates looked at her expectantly, and I was eating my sushi when all of a sudden it seemed like a nuclear bomb had gone off. She burped! And everyone in the whole god damned lunchroom went quiet. Do you know what she did after that? APOLGIZE! I would have run off in utter embarrassment and probably slit my wrist later that evening. Everyone went back to eating, like what just happened was of no importance. I asked Trunks about it he said, "don't worry about it, that's Mikayo, she is a Yankee. She does what she wants when she wants to. She even wears a guys uniform, her parents gave her permission." So then I quessed the bribed the teachers some how and she was allowed to wear a guys uniform to school. I don't know about her, but I despise these uniforms, I can not stand ties and collars. They are too tight. But, I can't do Jack-Squat about it. Things are the way they are, and I can't change that, even if I wanted to. Well, its time for me to head to the sack. I hope tomorrow will bring better things then today. After all, it is a new chance at life.

_Well ladies and gents I hope you liked this. I told you it had no plot. I am at a writers block, I don't know where to go, I need some ideas. Please e-mail me. THIS HAS BEEN Ch.3!_


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